Self envy

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Jeremy Kahn with two sons, Grasmere?, 1985?

There’s a photo showing me in my early 30s on an island in the middle of a lake, with my two sons, aged about 3 and 4. The sun is shining and we all look happy. I look young, fit, and slim. The photo gave me a feeling of envy; I wished I could be like that again. But back then I wasn’t aware of those qualities or I thought negatively about them. I probably thought that I was old. People start saying they are old in their twenties, for fuck’s sake.

In 20 years time will I look back at myself now with the same feeling of envy, maybe for my mobility, lack of pain in the joints, ability to sleep? I need to appreciate myself as I am now, rather than wait until it is all gone.

People say that youth is wasted on the young. But middle age is wasted on the middle aged, just as much.

One thought on “Self envy

  1. What a powerful piece. I so agree with all that you have said. I’m pinning this on my inspiration and health and wellness boards as a reminder of the now I have to be appreciative of. Thanks for articulating and sharing.

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